When Being Fat is Your Shield, and You Don't Realize It
How to identify hidden beliefs.
8 years into my marriage, after a huge amount of weight loss, I found myself stuffing my face non-stop.
I was driven by a demanding hunger, pushing me to eat and eat. It took less than a year to pack all the weight back on.
The spark that triggered this self-destructive behavior? Lies and broken trust.
The reason I was able to lose the weight in the first place, and keep it off for so long (100 lbs, 5 years), was because I finally felt safe. That was a new feeling for me.
That feeling of safety created the space for me to be able to shed the weight, the weight that I had used as a safety blanket.
The lies and broken trust ripped that feeling of safety away.
Several years later, and after hard counseling, the marriage emerged stronger than ever.
The weight though - yeah, that baby wasn’t budging.
You see, when I’m over 230 lbs., I snore. Loud. Lumberjack loud.
My husband is a very light sleeper.
When I snore loudly, I sleep in the guest bedroom. I had spent the last 4 years sleeping separately from him.
Hubby wanted me back in the master bedroom, and I thought I did too. But I couldn't stick to diets again, even though I knew exactly what to do.
The turning point came when I realized I didn’t want to lose the weight because then I wouldn’t have a reason to not move back into my marriage bed.
I like sleeping alone. I like having my own space.
Snoring provided a perfect excuse.
Once I realized what was happening (more head work!) I talked with the hubby and let him know there will be times I will want to be by myself. It's not a reflection on him or me or our marriage, it’s just what I need at times.
The weight started shifting then.
I finally let the fat go as it no longer served me. It was no longer being a friend and giving me a convenient excuse to not talk about the real issues.
That is what this article is about. If you are having problems sticking to diets or after losing so much weight you regain it back, take a look at what fat is doing for you.
Journaling can be a powerful tool to identify hidden thoughts. Below are some prompts to help you identify these thoughts.
Comfort & Safety
Has your weight provided you with a sense of comfort and safety? If you lost weight, would you feel vulnerable and at risk? If yes, why?
Emotional Support
Do certain foods make you feel better? Loved and cared for? Do you know other ways to show self love?
Identify Fears & Anxieties
Consider what fears or anxieties you might have about losing weight. Write about what scares you the most about losing weight. What would you be afraid of losing?
Losing weight is hard enough. Having hidden reasons to not lose the weight will eventually sabotage your best efforts.
Take the time to journal and think about the above. It will be worth it in the end.
Hugs,
Jami
